Confessions of a (Not So )Domestic Diva

Moving… January 31, 2008

Filed under: me myself and I — Autumn @ 6:27 pm

Hi, guys. I am moving myself on over to Blogger. There are a lot more options (to me) over there, and a lot more I can do with this blog. So, head on over there and check me out at

Confessions of a (Not So) Domestic Diva. 

I’m not closing this blog down, and I’ll make sure I have all of my links posted to my new blog ASAP, so you all will still be a click away. If you have me on your blogroll, don’t worry about the update right away- I’m leaving this up for any traffic to see. 🙂

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The One Where She Geeks It Up… January 29, 2008

Up until this point, I have managed to sound like a fairly normal mom and housewife. I have let slip my passion for Oreo’s and all things chocolate. I have shared my tendency to hide said chocolate from my children (they don’t need the sugar high, believe me!). My “What I’m Up To” page boasts my love for Nora Roberts (cause she doesn’t write sex books with a little other stuff tossed in, she writes life stories with a little sex tossed in). We haven’t covered favorite shows, movies and music yet, but we will. Today, however, I leave my seemingly normal self behind and expose my dirtiest little secret. I have hinted at this previously, even warned. But now it will be fully exposed.

When I was nine, some twenty years ago (good God I’m honestly saying twenty years…) my mother gave me a cassette for Easter. (Repeat above, insert cassette.) On the cover was a blurry black and white of five young men. (Yes, this *is* where this post is going, read on at your own caution.) I had seen the video on MTV of these guys, and I admit (to my later shame and horror) that I was unimpressed. I had Kirk Cameron telling me to Just Say No at the time, and I was cool with that. The photo my mom took of me holding the tape showed me looking relatively bored, in my pink nightie. Needless to say, this photo became the first picture in a later scrapbook with the caption “The Beginning!!” in large, tweeny scrawl across the page. **sigh**

To go into complete detail, I’d have to give you a total breakdown of my childhood, and that’s something I’ve done and would rather not do again at this time. I’ll just say something clicked and I decided fairly quickly that Kirk could tell someone else what to say. 🙂 And then I went crazy, along with eighteen bazillion other girls.

When I say “crazy”, this is not a lighthearted term. The three large totes and one NKOTB trunk in storage speaks for itself. If it had the logo, or their faces, I had to have it. Being an only child and sheltered (suffocated) by my mother, I was… over indulged, shall we say. T-shirts, nightgowns, dolls… it was a never ending stream of these cuties. My room looked like the merchandising people came in and threw every single thing they made all over the place. I didn’t know what color my walls were for who knows how many years. And honestly, like a lot of other people say about things, these guys got me through. To this day, I can de-stress immediately by listening to their voices. It was a haven and escape having them to grow up with, and for that reason alone, my loyalty can remain. (We don’t need to talk about the fact that when I was ten, I planned my wedding to Joe- that’s just unnecessary. LOL) My friends still mention them, my husband still teases me. And I still smile like a kid in a candy store.

I was an oddball, and never quite fit. I had few friends, and wasn’t allowed to do a lot. So my fixation was something psychological, I’m sure. whatever it was, I loved them. Fiercely. I took a lot of shit about it, but I never wavered. And, to their credit, they were huge. They were compared to The Beatles, The Jackson Five. And rightly so. They had fans worldwide, and still do. They were a part of millions of girls lives growing up, and some grew out, some stuck right with them for the entire ride. And then they disappeared, walked away from it, and for me, the world was a little darker for awhile.

Fast forward fourteen years or so, to an adult woman with a husband, house and kids. I still listen to Joe’s music and have connected with other women who grew up listening and still do. I have watched these guys I grew up with in movies, on Broadway, and marveled at how they haven’t changed a bit, to me. They are old familiar friends. They are a hell of a lot of what is warm and safe and fun from a lot of my younger years. Now, recently the rumors started about a reunion, a comeback… I’m not quite sure what the actual deal is, if any. I was nonchalant, but curious. Wow that would be neat, was my main thought.

I’ve never been one of the fans who wanted a reunion, really. They are adults, with their own lives and families, much like all us crazy gals now are. I never understood the crazed way people still got over old groups reuniting, doing shows, etc. Yesterday, I stumbled upon their official website however, and there is a teaser of a new song. Again, “well, that’s neat, let’s check it out.” I popped on my headphones, since Jim was sleeping (along with his writing, he works a 40 hour 3rd shift job, so I can stay home with my babies) and decided to listen. And I went crazy. Again.

I lost all adult reasoning as I attempted to freak out silently. I cried a little. LOL Memories ran through my head like crazy and it was the strangest thing, hearing them now. My children wandered in and stood watching me for who knows how long, waving my arms in excitement and mouthing “ohmygodomygod”. They sound the same, almost. But they still mesh. And it still clicks. And a twelve year old girl came alive in a 29 year old body and felt that freedom again.

I, of course, showed it to the kids. Miss Lyss was excited. “I am so happy for you,” she said seriously. “But, aren’t they old??” **sigh** Jake was a little puzzled. “Is that Dad?” **snickers** No, my dear, but my taste has always leaned to the blue eyed ones…. and let’s not ask Dad if that’s him, mmmkay???

So, there it is, my dirty little secret. I was a Blockhead. Guess “am” would be a better term. If that makes me a weirdo, geek, dork, what have you, so be it. I’m not alone, believe me! LOL I like to think it gives me some quirkiness, and makes me fun. Or strange, take your pick. 😉 But to have that huge chunk of my life revisited is something I look forward to…. and I promise, honey, I won’t put their posters on the bedroom walls!

 

Rolling the Dice January 27, 2008

Sometimes I have a really hard time coming up with a subject line. Is it just me, or does anyone else ever sit and wonder just what to put in that space? It isn’t as if I ever talk about just one subject- I am usually all over the place with my posts, so one subject line seems, at times, too little. It’s usually a little of the kids, some of the outside world, maybe a chocolate fetish… it’s a mixed bag. So, if my subject lines are a little weird sometimes, that’s why.

I have been avoiding the news for the last week or so. Even my two favorites, The View, and Today, have been carefully picked through. Why? Because sometimes, enough is enough and it’s time to let go and move on. There comes a point where things become more and more an invasion of others’ private moments and less the general public’s business or concern. Yes, I’m talking about the death of Heath Ledger. It’s a sad, tragic and shocking event, but enough is enough. As a parent, I feel for his child and for his own parents. As a person, I find it sad and upsetting when one loses their life so soon. But I do not feel that anyone’s passing needs to be speculated on in as many ways, for as many days, as this has been. It is none of our business what he did or didn’t have in his apartment, whether he was fully clothed, naked, or upside down on a trapeze. It simply doesn’t matter. A young man is dead, a child without a father. Why does his name need to be smeared, or semi smeared, so gleefully? That sort of thing just blows my mind. Let’s just leave it at this- he was a talented guy, a doting father, and a son and brother to people who loved him. His passing is tragic and my heart goes out to his loved ones at this time. I pray they can find the peace to grieve, and that Heath himself will rest peacefully.

Moving on. I got to go shopping yesterday. For the whole day. Without the children. My best and oldest girl friend and I headed off for some kid free shopping and it was a blissful day. No one was crying, fighting, clamoring or running around like a maniac. We got coffee, strolled around, had a nice lunch… it was so something I needed, and she did too. It wasn’t even the shopping, or spending money (all I got myself was a hoodie jacket) it was having some girl time without little ones. Even though at least 75% of the conversation was about the kids. That is a total Mom thing and can’t be escaped!

But, it was nice to sit back and have some time off from being Mom. We do need it once in awhile, and it sent me home relaxed, happy to see the kids and spend time with them. I was less impatient and harried, you know? Your mind gets so wrapped around laundry, homework, diapers, dinner, etc., that it’s harder and harder to actually enjoy them as much as you can when you have that break and come back to it. Cause sometimes you have to be more than Mom, more than the butt wiper. Sometimes it’s nice to just be YOU, with a good friend and some laughs. And that’s ok. It’s hard not to feel guilty for needing those breaks, but no one is SuperWoman. A recharge is totally acceptable, and if anyone says otherwise, tell them to kiss your happy, relaxed ass. What good is Mommy when she’s yanking her hair out from rushing around all the time?

My motto is simple- a happier Mom makes a happier family as a whole. And that goes for Dad, too. The happier one is in their own existence, the less resentment and all that other negative stuff there is floating around. Happiness bleeds over from you into other areas- same as anger, stress, etc. So why not accentuate the positives?

A Mommy Mission for you- call up a friend and get out of the house, sans kids. For an hour, or two. Go for coffee, go to lunch. Go for a stroll through a mall or something. Just to catch a breath. It can make a world of difference!

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The Cookie Formerly Known as “Uh-Oh!” January 21, 2008

It’s not a secret that I have a love affair with cookies. And cake. And… ok, almost anything that is a sweet treat, I’m there. But, I have my favorites, just like everyone else, and while I’m usually a soft, chewy cookie kind of gal, there’s one cookie that seems to top ’em all.

I’m crazy for Oreo’s. Not just the regular or Double Stuf variety, either. Oh no, not me- that would be too simple. While there isn’t an Oreo I’d refuse (or stop at one ..or six.. at) there is one Oreo that makes my heart, and taste buds, go mad.

I am absolutely nuts for the Golden Oreo’s with chocolate creme. These are the cookies I hide from the children, seriously. Isn’t that awful? I mean, sometimes we buy extras with cookies or donuts, whatever, so Jim and I can have a little something for ourselves, but I hide entire bags of these cookies from my children. And eat them on the sly.

Why am I devoting an entire post to cookies?? Especially cookies of the not baked by me variety? Because Jim recently re-discovered these for me, and I’d almost forgotten how much I enjoy them. Which is, obviously, a lot. But, I’m mainly devoting a post to cookies because it’s a guilty pleasure. A simple pleasure- something that makes me super happy and takes almost no effort on anyone else’s part. Or really of my own, other than lift, chew, repeat. And when you’re a mom, it’s all about those things. Five minutes to really enjoy something for just you, no matter what it is. Even if it’s just eating a cookie. Or six…

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Baby It’s Cold Outside January 20, 2008

My house smells like Vicks VapoRub. Well, it smells like VapoRub and Baby Rub. I am armed with two kinds of Tylenol, two kinds of rub and the ever so popular saline spray and aspirator. My kids are soooo in love with me right now!! They’re yelling more than usual at my approach. 🙂

Add to it that it’s maybe 9 degrees in Ohio tonight, there’s no school tomorrow and the coffeemaker has decided to take it’s leave. Whaa…? Yes, I understand the “conspiracy theory” right this minute. Mom-coffee+kids with colds+extra day WITH kids with colds= more chaos than you could ever. possibly. imagine.

I’m double stressed because this is Taylor’s first cold, and she’s still so little. I’m on Baby #3 and have never had a young infant with a cold. But, I think I’m handling it fairly well. I know what she can and can’t have, and she is in a shockingly good mood for someone so stuffy. I just feel so bad for her- she’s sniffly and then here Mommy comes with that damn nose thingy again. I’d scream about it, too!

My plan to survive? Get the monsters in bed, make some hot tea and soak in a hot bath for a bit. Probably with my Nora Roberts. And quite possibly some tequila.
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Cause She’s Funny Like That January 16, 2008

Filed under: family,kids,me myself and I,Taylor — Autumn @ 2:39 am
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My newbie hits the big “2” today- two months, that is. It’s a weird thing, this passing of time with kids. For me, it seems like the time is flying and dragging at the same time. Like the days sometimes are never ending, but you blink and a month has come and gone.

The first weeks are almost a blur now (probably a mix of saving one’s sanity and the sleep deprivation) but I look at her and wonder, already, where it’s gone. She is more alert now, holds her head up almost perfectly, and has a wicked grin that makes her eyes dance. She is a blend of her father and me, more so than her brother and sister. They both have his build, his hair color, and an interesting mix of his blue eyes and my weird, amberish eyes. The newbie is built more like me, her hair is dark (so far) like mine, and she has some of my facial features. Not a mini-me, but close. Except she’s a lot better looking. 😉

Somewhere in the midst of it all, the desperation has faded (some) without my noticing. The sleep schedule is a little more tolerable and my nerves are a little (not much) less frayed. It was hard this time around, and it still is. I’m not going to lie about it; it’s been almost impossible on some days to do much more than hide in the bathroom and cry. I’m still saying it’s my hormones “readjusting”, but these “hormones” have shifted more after each baby, and not really ever readjusted completely.

Perhaps I’m in denial, or simply listening to the inner voice, as well as the voices of others, telling me to suck it up, get over it, deal with it. It’s not PC to be unhappy or angry when you have a beautiful baby, and two other beautiful, smart and interesting kids.

Thank God I’m not usually PC. About anything. Because, you know what? I do get angry and unhappy. I do have a tendency to be pessimistic and I sure as hell lean toward the overly sensitive side of the fence. There are ways to combat that, I know, and I’m finding them. Slowly.

But I’ll tell you one thing- this girl right here next to me, with her daddy’s eyes and the biggest gummed-out grin? She can reach in and yank out my heart by just lookin’ my way. And that, these days, takes a miracle.

 

Google Superstar January 8, 2008

Filed under: me myself and I — Autumn @ 8:36 pm
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I just googled myself. I know, this is sad, possibly even pathetic. But it turned out to be a huge perk me up, because the first 3 pages on the search engine are all me! About a book I had published, or my various old sites, etc., but still all me. It’s pretty weird to see that stuff, lemme tell ya. To actually see pages with your own self, not “a person that has your name but isn’t you.” I’m lucky that way, I suppose. My first name is semi unique, but my 1st and last together? I seriously doubt there are a lot of Autumn LeBeau’s in the world. And there we have it, the anonymity is gone!

Not to worry, various friends, people I know, and family members- none of you, outside of the kids and handsomely bearded husband- shall be named. Some of you… **sigh**.. it would be so tempting to name you, but that would be out of the desire to say not-so-nice things about you, and have the entire world know who I’m saying them about. So I’ll refrain, mostly because I could so get sued otherwise. We’ll pretend it’s because I’m a decent person, won’t we?

So now that everybody knows my name, does that mean I need to be censored for fear of opinions? To remain “typical”? Nope. I’ve lived that life long enough, and it is not fulfilling, the constant worry of what impressions you make, or what might be said behind your back. So here I go, waving a middle finger cheerily at the judgmental. My house is unorganized, I have tons of dirty laundry (of all kinds, people), my kids drive me nuts -a lot- and I’m definitely not your typical housewife or mom. Just like my family is far from “typical.” Chaotic, frustrating, funny, lovable, disorganized, crazed…. but 100% unique.

Judge me, talk about me, love me or hate me. That’s your call. Just keep “typical” as far from us as you can. To be typical would be the ultimate insult.